My Daughter HATES Me!

Yes, that's how I put it. My husband tells me hate is too strong a word and that Georgia is only 21 months old - she doesn't know how to hate and that she would never hate her mommy. Well, he hasn't been on the other end of her attitude for the past several months - attitude (hate) that has only gotten worse since we moved to North Carolina and my husband starting staying home with Georgia every day. Trust me, the girl can't stand me.

My sweet, little, innocent girl who once wanted only me and my milk-filled breasts is gone. I wish I knew where she has gone. Maybe there's just lingering anger over the whole milk-going-away thing. Who knows? Who would have thought I'd be worrying about my daughter's anger issues so early on?

Since I work nights, I'm the last to wake up in the mornings. But when I do and I walk into the room, and as soon as Georgia sees me, she yells at me and makes a not-so-nice face. If I sit too close to her or her daddy, she hits me. If I try to pick her up, she yells and hits me. If I get anywhere near my husband, she yells and cries and hits me. I could go on and on with one situation after another, but I won't. I'll just say almost every one has a similar outcome to the ones I just described. Georgia has sat in the corner so many times for hitting me in the face and head that at this point, she thinks time-out is some kind of game and she doesn't mind playing it if it means she can pummel me. I'm getting my butt kicked by a 21-month old - how's that for embarrassing.

I will say, as my husband is quick to point out in her defense, that this all smacks strongly of jealousy issues. My daughter seems to be jealous if I have a relationship with her daddy or if I intrude on daddy/daughter time. She seems to want my husband all to herself. SHE'S 21-MONTHS OLD!!! REALLY??

I'll admit, it hurts. It hurts a lot. But I try not to be the "oh woe is me" type. It's not about me, it's about her. But it is hard not to let my pained heart have its way sometimes and just feel deflated. All those months of not drinking while pregnant and breastfeeding, no caffeine, no raw foods, very little processed foods, being the only one to get up at all hours of the night to feed and comfort her, the efforts I went through to breastfeed - no dairy for me, the painful Mastitis, the surgery, pumping at work (near impossible in my field) - all of it I did for her without a thought of myself in my mind. So yes, maybe it's a little childish that I know cry "this is how she repays me?" because I did all those things early in her life, not to be "repaid" some day, but just so she was taken care of in the best way possible and had the best start in life.

I just want to figure out how to calm the waters. I don't want her angry, and I don't want her mad at me. I hope this is not an indicator of the relationship she and I will always have. What does that say about me? Have I already failed as a mother in just the first 21 months? Did I ever act this way as a toddler? I wish to hell my mother was still alive for me to ask her that. Have other mothers gone through similar situations with their daughters?

Let me tell you, forget the toddler hits, it's my mind that's truly getting pummeled as I wonder about all these questions and concerns. Who ever thinks their daughter will act this way toward them before she hits those crazy teen years? I would be prepared for it then - an over-hormonal young woman trying to figure it all out and lashing out at me - OK. But at 21 months? That wasn't in the "Kids for Dummies" manual.

Moms, am I alone in this?


The Day of B's

With all the moving and juggling and unpacking and juggling and address change paperwork and juggling and new job and juggling and... OK, you get the picture... with all of the things that come with moving half way across the country, after three weeks in our new hometown, we needed to get out (again). Georgia was climbing the walls! So I'll bribe you to forgive the world's longest sentence with some pictures of our sightseeing day in Eastern Carolina.

We made it the day of B's (unintentional, but it made for an easy title). We first headed to Beaufort, NC. Yes, there is a better known Beaufort, SC, but there is a big difference between the two - pronunciation. Southerners obviously can not agree on how to pronounce "Beau," but I'm going to side with North Carolina here. Most of us know Beau is a traditional southern name, and it's pronounced "Bo." And in NC, Beaufort is pronounced "bo-furt." In SC, it's "bew-fort." So we headed to the seaside port of Beaufort.
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We took a walk along the docks and enjoyed the scenery - boats, birds and beauty. (see, more B's!)
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So almost three weeks of living only 30 minutes from the beach and no stop yet at the beach?!?! So guess what the other "B" of the day was?? BEACH!!!!
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Georgia was giddy as we walked along the shore, our bare toes digging into the sand.
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She even came up with her own little "happy beach dance" as we walked along, and she'd give my husband and I a laugh every few minutes with her rendition of it. She would try to chase the waves when they wouldn't come to her quickly enough, and then she'd giggle and giggle when they finally did.
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Her happiness was truly infectious.


Everything's A Changing...

"They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom." ~Confucius

Well, if Confucius had it right, my life should be fireworks and puppy dogs and giggles and pure sunshine mixed together with a Master's degree from Harvard.

My life has been full of constant changes, many of them in the last five years, and I just capped it off with a big move halfway across the country for my family and I. We are now on day seven of being gone from our old home town and on day five in our new town. We're still living in a hotel, our dogs are still at the kennel and we hope (hope) to have a place to rent squared away in the next two days. It has been a longgggggg seven days.

We left our Omaha home on Monday...
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... drove through Iowa and Illinois...
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... Indiana and Kentucky...
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... West Virginia and then Virginia...
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... and we reached North Carolina at night (so no pic). Georgia and I were in my car...
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... my husband and the dogs were following us in his car.

Georgia has virtually lived in her car seat and has grown to hate it so much more, but with everything she's gone through in the last week, she has been amazing. Yes, we've had more than our fair share of toddler tantrums, but she is taking all of this change in stride. She is my little trooper. And my husband and I have survived more than our fair share of stress so far. I've decided that if a marriage can handle a major move like this, then I don't think there's anything that can crack it. Although we will all be living in a small, two bedroom rental for at least the next six months, so I might change my theory sometime in the near future to "surviving six months in a super small rental."

So in one week, we have gone from this:
Omaha, Nebraska

... to this:
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New Bern, North Carolina

Today is my last day before I start my new job. Remember, I haven't worked since the beginning of February, so this will be interesting. I will miss so much I feel I have gained in the last five months - time with my family, dinners at home, days with my daughter - but I will also be happy to regain some of the things I miss about working. I go into this with very mixed emotions.

But that said, today was (as much as it could be) Georgia's day. After another breakfast at the hotel, we headed to the aquarium.
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Georgia loves aquariums! We had a great one at the Omaha zoo, and I'm glad we have one now about 35 minutes away.
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So that's where we spent some time today, and Georgia just ran circles around the place.
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It's the happiest I've seen here in a week, and you can't imagine how much that warmed my heart. Of course, she ran and ran and ran until we made it to the gift shop where she promptly parked herself amongst the stuffed animals.
Aw, my darling hasn't been changed too much by the move.

I'm sure while much in our lives has changed, it won't be long before we find our rhythm and return to some new "normal." After all, the only thing that never changes in life is change, right? I just hope that calm returns and hangs around for a while - I could use it... and I think my husband could too.


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