I Am Torn

OK, when am I not torn these days? So much change, so much upheavel in our lives, so many adjustments that we're making - confusion just seems to follow. But now comes one more conundrum.

My husband had a job interview this week. Yeah! Of course, we don't know yet if he got the job, but the interview alone has led to so many feelings for me to contemplate. I know my hubby is feeling pulled in different directions as well.

Before I was laid off, we'd always been a two-job family, and Lord knows with what we're about to lose when we sell our house (literally more than I made at my first three TV jobs), we can use the second income again. But for six months now, Georgia has not been in daycare because there has been a parent out of work and at home. And now there's a chance that could change. It's hard. We know the reality - we both need to work - but the last six months have spoiled us and given us a peek into life without daycare. Honestly, I think it's a peek we didn't need. We were never thrilled about putting Georgia into daycare at three months old, when my maternity leave ran out, but we never knew it any other way so we did it. It was hard, but it was easy. Yeah, I know that doesn't make sense. But the easiness came from ignorance - the ignorance of not having lived the stay-at-home parent life.

But here it is. It could possibly be the last time Georgia has a parent with her all day. Could. Who knows whether my husband will land the job? Who knows if it will even pay enough for him to accept it? Who knows how we'll handle Georgia going back to daycare? Questions, quesions, questions - life is pouring questions these days. I stop to wonder if we could make the single income-family thing work, that is until reality comes and wallops me upside the head.

I know what the future holds, but for now I'll just keep questioning it. I'll hide from reality, for now, behind my questions and contemplations.