June 4, 2010 - My Worst Day as a Mom (so far)

When Georgia and I finally decided to lazily climb out of bed this morning, wipe the dreams from our eyes and saunter out to the kitchen with that "I just woke up" step/stumble, the first thing that greeted me was five ounces of pumped breast milk sitting on the counter... all night long. ::hand to forehead (and Georgia heard a curse word):: I'd taken it out the night before when I got home from work, but I forgot to put it in the fridge. Five ounces, and 15-20 minutes worth of pumping, ruined. I grimaced as I dumped it down the drain but did it quickly before I started to debate whether to do the smell test.

But that was not what made this a bad day.

Georgia has brought another little virus friend home from that petri dish of a daycare. And her nose will not stop running and she has that cough that makes her whole body tremble and then wheeze. It pains me to watch her hack and then gasp for breath. And now my husband and I both have it.

That though, did not make this the worst day.

You know when you have a memory of something that's passed through your life, and that memory is made so much stronger by a sense you have associated with it. The taste of cherry tomatoes and basil and mozzarella remind you of evenings overlooking a cliff-side town in Italy. Or the crack of a bat reminds you of watching your Alma matter almost win the national title. Or the smell of a certain soap reminds you of your mother and her skin and her touch.

Well I have one more of those now. It's a thud and not just a thud, but like a bounce, thud, then scream. And yes, it's what made this my worst day. Georgia fell off our bed today. And not just your normal bed, ours is super high, so high people comment on it. And she landed up against the wooden dresser at the foot of it.

I literally stepped into our bathroom for 30 seconds to grab something and that's when it happened. Seeing my baby crumpled up on the floor, I've have never felt so scared, helpless, lost, stupid and angry all entwined into one. And until now, I have never heard Georgia scream so loudly and so pitifully.

Scooped my baby up, ran her to her car seat chanting "oh my God, oh my God" the entire time, and we took off heading to her doctor's office. I called on the way (yes, I broke the golden rule of talking on my cell phone while driving when Georgia's in the car) and my doctor and her nurses were off that day, but I talked to another nurse who told me Georgia was probably fine.

Nurse: Was she moving her arms?
Me: I don't know, she's behind me in the car seat.
Nurse: Was she moving her legs?
Me: Um, I didn't check before I put her in the car seat.
Nurse: Was she alert and looking around?
Me: Um, still in the car seat behind me. (me at this point realizing I should have stopped to check Georgia out before running from the house, almost in just a bra mind you, it was quick!).

I think the nurse pitied this sobbing mother on the other end of the phone, or just wanted to see the crazy lady in person, because the next thing she said was another doctor in the office just had a cancellation and they could see Georgia in five minutes. Could I be there by then? Um, yeah, I was pulling into the parking lot but I kept that to myself and just told her yes. I didn't want her to see I was truly insane at this point and got there in three minutes flat.

Same nurse came to the waiting room while I was checking Georgia in, who was only in her diaper and nothing else, and said "how are you little one, are you OK" and Georgia SMILED at her! Yeah, smiled. Less than ten minutes after the big plunge and the kid is smiling. I don't know if I felt happier or more stupid at that point. But the nurse humored me, and took us back to the exam room. She told me the doctor would be in in just a moment and then I'm sure she went into the hall and had a good laugh at the paranoid mommy of the day. Heck, I would have. I'm crying and my kid is laughing, like she had a good time scaring the hell out of mommy.

To say the least, Georgia checked out just fine when the doctor came in to do the exam. I think by that point I needed an exam more than Georgia as I'm amazed I didn't have a stroke. And the doctor didn't leave the room without saying the words I knew she would, "well let's not put her on the bed again."

Yes doc, lesson learned.