August 11, 2010 - Hugging Her a Little Closer Tonight

I can't imagine ever being gone from your life - to never watch you grow, go to school, graduate college, become a woman, start a career, start a family. I can not imagine being gone from your smile and the light that is... you.

How could I go without that smile? I thank God every night for another day of life and another day of sharing your life. You bring a fear into my life I have never known before, a gut-wrenching fear that something will go wrong, something will happen - that gnawing fear that grows in every parent when one creates life.

My job brings many different worlds, different views and different stories into my life each and every day. Today it brought tragedy and loss and sadness. It happened to "someone else," but if my job has taught me anything, it's that anyone can be that "someone else" on any given day. My story today hit my heart, something that my hardened shell doesn't always allow to happen. But today, I saw myself in other shoes and it was scary.

This was my assigned story.

I came home tonight and watched my little lovely breathe softly in her sleep. I watched her still, sweet face with closed lids. I studied the way her hands rested at the sides of her head. I watched her through eyes that fear losing this and with a heart that prays I never will. I kissed her softly and said a prayer and whispered to her that no matter what, she should know my love is always here.